A psychologist has revealed nine ways an abandonment wound can show up in relationships, from being too eager to please to having a hard time trusting your partner’s intentions.
Dr Lalitaa Suglani, a Birmingham-based chartered psychologist, shared the information in a to post on Instagram, where he has more than 110,000 followers.
In the post, she said the wound of abandonment “often comes from a place of ‘not feeling good enough’ which can project into all aspects of our lives, including our relationships.”
Dr. Lalitaa added that “it can start from childhood, where perhaps your needs were not met in the way you needed them and you internalized the belief of not being good enough that we try to fill through behaviors in adult life.” .
Having an abandonment wound can manifest itself in relationships in many ways, according to a psychologist, who listed nine of the ways (file image)
She continued: ‘It shows up in our relationships where we project our childhood need for acceptance.
‘We internalize that there is something wrong with us and that no one will love us, so let’s try to fit into the relationship to stay safe.
‘Abandonment behaviors are a form of anxiety that occurs when a person has a strong fear of losing loved ones.
“People struggling with the wounds of abandonment experience extreme emotional sensitivity to anything that might trigger rejection, for example, feeling unimportant, criticized, misunderstood, belittled, left out, or overlooked.”
Among the nine ways the wound of abandonment can show up in relationships, the psychologist listed being more concerned with whether someone you’ve met likes you, rather than whether you’re interested in that person.
She also listed staying in relationships even when you’re miserable out of fear, and customizing someone’s lack of interest in you, so that it feels like a crushing rejection.
People who suffer from the wound of abandonment may find that they give too much or are too eager to please, dating people they believe can fix, save, or rescue, finding solace in the role of caretaker because they feel needed.
He also listed continuing to try to hook up with an ex, even when they’ve made it clear they’re not interested, as one of the signs.
Another sign is not wanting to get involved in difficult or uncomfortable conversations for fear of upsetting your partner and avoiding conflict or possible rejection.
And the list goes on to describe how people with this problem may have trouble trusting their partner’s intentions and therefore worry that their partners will leave them.
The last item on the list was that people with abandonment might ‘betray’ themselves.
This manifests in allowing your needs to go unmet in relationships to keep the peace so your partner doesn’t walk away.
The psychologist noted that these examples are not limited to romantic partners.
According to Dr. Lalitaa, they can also arise in relationships we have with friends, family, and co-workers.
He added that “you may have support to help you manage this.”
Dr Lalitaa wrote: ‘It is never too late to seek help for this. It starts with self-awareness to understand and then having tools to help you manage your emotions.’
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